What a Gas!
by UltraM2000
Summary: The ikkou, Kougaiji, Ni Jyeni, Hakuryuu and several sixpacks of beer make for one really freaky fic.


DISCLAIMER: I don't own Saiyuki, Gensomaden Saiyuki, Requiem, Reload, Xi You Ji or Journey To The West, no matter how you spell it. Warnings for insanity, language, tobacco, alcohol, pure romaji different from usually romanised Saiyuki names, crass potty humour and the foolishness of Sanzo and Hakkai. It's a pretty lame story, I'll admit, but I had way too much fun drawing out the comic for this. It begged to be voiced out. ;)  
  
WHAT A GAS!  
  
by UltraM2000  
  
It is in a normal little Tougenkyou lodging house that our story takes place...  
  
Gojyo: ...Can too.  
  
Goku: Can not!  
  
Gojyo: Can TOO!  
  
Goku: Can NOT!  
  
Gojyo: CAN TOO!  
  
Goku: Can not can not CAN NOT!  
  
Hakkai: ...What's going on, Sanzo?  
  
Sanzo: Huh. *reads paper* See for yourself.  
  
Gojyo: I can TOO do it, bakazaru!  
  
Goku: No you CAN'T, erogappa! You can't even get close!  
  
Gojyo: *hard glare* Ch'. Fine. Give me that beer.  
  
(Gojyo seizes the can of beer and chugs it down noisily. The silence that follows is broken in about 5 seconds by Gojyo belching so hard Goku's fringe is blown away from his face.)  
  
Gojyo: BURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAPPPP!!! Hah! There! Top that!  
  
Goku: *flattens fringe* FINE! I will! Just you watch THIS, erogappa!  
  
(Goku seizes another can of beer and chugs equally noisily. There is silence. He concentrates.)  
  
Gojyo: 'Concentrates'?! More like 'tries to take a dump on the floor'!  
  
Goku: ...Here we go ARRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAPPPPPPPPPPPP!!!  
  
Gojyo: Wargh!?...strong wind...can't...resist...ugarhhh!!! *falls over*  
  
Goku: Woohoo! Nyahahahaha! *raspberry* Bleeeeahhh! I AM the champion belcher after all!  
  
Gojyo: Over my dead body! *chugs another can* GUURRRRRRRRRRRRRP!!!   
  
Goku: Admit defeat, erokappa! *Kirin chug-a-lug-a-lug* URGRUAAAAAAPPP!  
  
Gojyo: Oh yeah?! OORRRRRRRRRRUUUUUUUPPPP!  
  
Goku: Yeah! DRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAPPPP!  
  
Uuuurp! Ooooorp! Braaaap! Burrrrrrp! Broooooooop! Guuuuuurrrrrg! Froooooooaaaaap!!!  
  
Hakkai: ...A belching contest?! Butbutbutbut...whatever for?  
  
Sanzo: Think *I* know? *reaches for a can of beer and drinks it as he looks at them sideways*. BRAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRP!!!  
  
Gj + Gk: *silence*  
  
Sanzo: Amateurs. *digs ear*  
  
Goku: Sanzo...you have a polyphonic burp! Super cool! @v@  
  
Sanzo:...ahozaru.  
  
Gojyo: Huh. Even I can't top THAT monster. Hey Hakkai, why don't you try?  
  
Hakkai: M-m-me? Anou, Gojyo, that's not such a good idea...  
  
Goku: Ii jan! Here, grab a beer and fire away!  
  
Hakkai: But Goku...  
  
Goku: Aw c'mon Hakkai...pleeeease?  
  
Hakkai: *sigh* Don't say I didn't warn you.  
  
(Hakkai cracks open the can and drinks before politely putting the can down on the table. Everyone stares expectantly.)  
  
Hakkai: Uh-oh...here it comes...  
  
*erp*  
  
Hakkai: Oops, excuse me, minna-san, I...*eyes widen* uh-oh...  
  
Fact of Physics: According to the mass kinetic theory, all mass fills a certain space.  
  
Fact of Logic: If it doesn't come back up, the gas has gotta come out SOMEhow...  
  
***  
  
In Tenjiku...  
  
Kougaiji: *raises head from the Tougenkyou Times* NI JYENI! PUT DOWN THAT TRUMPET AND GET BACK TO WORK!  
  
Jyeni: *freezes, holding small trumpet to mouth* But I haven't even started playing it yet. My, our prince is getting very sharp.  
  
***  
  
Back to the inn, where wafts of strange green gas are billowing throughout the room and obscuring the sight of our four travellers...  
  
Goku: UWAAAAAAAAAHHH!! PHEEE-YOOOOOOOO!!! *hack hack hack*  
  
Gojyo: *retch* AAAAACCCK! No more beans OR beer for you, Hakkai! *retch*  
  
Sanzo: Stinky. Stinky. Stinky. Stinky. Stinky.  
  
Hakkai: *claps a clothespeg on nose* Gomen nasai, minna...but I DID warn you...  
  
Sanzo: Eejit. Give me that clothespeg. *snatches it from Hakkai none too gently*  
  
Hakkai: *wince* Itai. desu.  
  
Sanzo: *nose fully clothespegged* Eugh. Diggudig. Ibe debitedly donna dill you org wud ob dese dages. *shoves a Marlboro into his mouth and rummages for a lighter.*  
  
Goku: What?  
  
Hakkai: He's going to kill us all one of these days.  
  
Goku: Ah. Hey, isn't that a cigarette lighter?  
  
Gojyo: CIGARETTE LIGHTER?! OI OI OI, WAIT A MINUTE HERE!  
  
Hakkai: Oh shi......yugar balls! Sanzo, no! Don't light your cigarette here! You'll  
  
*click click click kachink*  
  
***  
  
Once again in Tenjiku:  
  
Kougaiji: JYENI! PUT DOWN YOUR DRUM AND GET BACK TO WORK! Sheeeez...*buries head in newspaper and feet in fluffy grey gerbil slippers*  
  
Jyeni: Eh? But I didn't even start my solo yet...*puts away big timpani* Guess I'd better go back to finding a way to brainwash...I mean, work hard for our dear prince. *whistle whistle*  
  
***  
  
Back to the Tougenkyou inn...or what's left of it; a floor and two walls. Sanzo, Gojyo, Goku and Hakkai are black as coal and covered in ashes.  
  
Goku: *hack hack hack* SANZOUUUUU!!! *coughs up black smoke*  
  
Gojyo: This. really. BITES.  
  
Sanzo: *clasping his forehead and swearing underneath his breath*  
  
Hakkai: Yare yare, Sanzo, I was GOING to say that methane is very flammable, you know!  
  
Hakuryuu: *drinks the rest of the beer and gears up*  
  
Hakkai: Shit--cha dame desu yo, Hakuryuu! Don't do that...  
  
Hakuryuu: *brap*  
  
Too late!  
  
Biology Fact: Dragons breathe fire.  
  
Chemistry Fact: Methane is STILL VERY, VERY flammable.  
  
*KABOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM*  
  
-oshimai-  
  
~end~ 


End file.
